Kids, make sure you go to school, and one day you can live in a big mansion like this. Do not, I repeat, do not think your blog on Pinterest life hacks is going to make you rich!
You may think I’ve recently been abducted by aliens, and maybe I have been, but that’s a story for another day. Recently I’ve been online as much as a You Tuber hawking those 80s style answering machine cassette tapes. Kids born post 1990 have no idea what an answering machine even is, but us older folks all remember the “Wait for the beep, you gotta leave your name, gotta leave your number” jingle from back in the day. My recent lull isn’t due to any one thing in particular, I would say writer’s block is the culprit, but my mind springs loose more inanities to write about than you can shake a stick at.
Really this summer it has come down to a lack of time. Hell, the Skipah’s Traveling Road Show never even filled up the gas tank for a journey this summer. Well at least not as one big harmonious family, Miss Madison did take the kiddos to Hilton Head Island for a week to visit her dad, but this dad had to make sure no rogue meth ninjas were planning to rob our house so I stayed up with bible literature and a water gun in case anybody got “squirrely.” Plus I had just started a new job and couldn’t work an immediate vacation into the negotiations. Although I am holding out for this fall to bring my special blend of Skipah to the good folks of South Carolina.
I thought this song meant he had five dollars on a tank of gas, man what was I thinking!
I guess long story short I just don’t “make” the time I used to for my little digital island on the internet, my life is different than way back when, I come home, I’ve got a wife and family waiting for me now. Granted my own daughter isn’t here every day, but hopefully that will take care of itself in due time. All night computer sessions bullshitting on Facebook, writing blog posts, or creating baby mama voodoo dolls are a thing of the past these days. Checking homework (my stepdaughter could seriously give Winnie Cooper a run for her money in the future), making dinner, and scolding kids for not listening is the new norm. Granted they listen to me like I’m speaking Mandarin Chinese, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So summer 2018 has come and passed. Thanks to a “balanced” school schedule in my sector of the state, my step kids started school at the end of July. My daughter starts school this week, and it’s back to the bullshit parenting schedule for me that I have loathed since day one when I was told my daughter got to be ripped from her hometown to go live in Nowhere, Kentucky population of sixteen that aren’t related to each other. And this leads to a Skipah rant on the state of affairs as I see it on school starting so freaking early in Indiana! Granted my own daughter goes to school in Kentucky, but for the love of god #BringBackSummer for the kids.
My little girl is growing up way too fast! Seems like just yesterday she was telling me I’m going bald….oh wait that was yesterday!
When this pimple faced, awkward young man was of elementary/middle school age, we didn’t start school until damn near Labor Day. Three months of driving our parents insane, epic wiffle games, and all day sessions of playing hide and seek from any authority figure we might call an adult. Belly flops, roughhousing (boys division), and attempting to drown anybody smaller than you were the norm in the pool. Not literally drown, but times were different then, I may have had paramedics show up that one time I tied a concrete block around a friend of mine’s feet. He survived though in case you were wondering, grew to be bigger than me, and I’ve still got the scar from the stitches to prove it!
We’ve had some interesting critters show up here lately, this little fella hopes to one day become big beautiful Luna Moth, and that concludes today’s biology lesson.
Now with school starting so early the non-custodial parent gets screwed worse than the class whore. We look forward to summer like we just won the lottery! It’s the state mandated pipe dream we always dreamed of—50/50 custody! I have no idea why there should be two weeks in the fall to be off school, nor two weeks to call Spring Break, this only shortens the summers! In my day, fall break was a four day weekend parent/teacher conferences and Spring Break lasted a week! I turned out fine, well maybe not exactly fine, but I made it through school! Rant over, but seriously, can kids just be kids during the summer, instead of worrying about going back to school sooner rather than later?
Summer wasn’t a total loss though, even though we didn’t take the “big” vacation that had been the new normal, plenty of fun was had. Miss Madison took the kids to the aforementioned Hilton Head week on the beach, the girls had a grand ole time seeing T-Swizzle (that’s Taylor Swift in case you didn’t know old-timer), and between the running jokes on getting the swimming pool cleared up and Male Pattern Baldness, summer 2018 has still been quite the success.
Apparently Miss Swift puts on an over the top show.
Even better for me and Miss Madison, I got her hooked on The Americans. Back in the day, when I was a bachelor, my only roommate was my daughter’s Russian dwarf hamster Hammy. The stuff we used to do would be illegal in 38 states, but Indiana wasn’t one of them. We would binge watch The Americans and he would clue me in on how the KGB worked, and I would make sure he had plenty of vodka. Fast forward three years and now I’m a KGB expert and Miss Madison stands with her hand on her hip waiting on me to catch up with her on episodes that I haven’t watched that she has. I tell you life is so damn different now!
I’m trying to curry favor with all my fellow Lepidopterists out there with this post. Yeah I know you just looked that up!
About it for now, again I can’t stress enough, I love writing, I love all of you that check in on me when I haven’t posted in a while, I just have to reconfigure my writing schedule. When I started this gig I never knew I would have kick ass wife, stepkids, and a copesetic relationship with my baby momma. Copasetic might be a stretch, the ghost of Hammy is probably rolling his eyes in the after life that I even typed that, but one thing I’ve learned since I started this literary journey is the “long game” has the potential to bear more fruit than a full frontal assault.