I don’t even want to talk about the weather anymore, but hey at least I’m able to blog tonight. For a short time today I thought the internet might actually crash. Between hideous dresses that were blue/black or white/gold, llamas on the loose in Phoenix (shit that sounds like a Seth Rogen movie title), and Mr. Spock dying it’s been one busy day for Mr. Internet. How frigging dumb has this country gotten that a poorly shot photo probably caused more break ups and divorces today than any affair ever could. That picture went viral quicker than the Bubonic Plague. At least at the end of the day we are all now well versed on ophthalmology and color sensors in the brain, so it must be a good day I and everyone else learned something new!
Start my mini vacation with the blonde bomber tonight, I get her the next six nights since her mother is out of town March 2-March 4. Our power packed weekend kicked off tonight at the school’s Friday fish fry. Basically an hour of pure chaos as various levels of school cliques ran around and screamed at the top of their lungs while the adults tried to discipline them. It’s really a comedy of errors, it’s like all the students unionized against their parents and do whatever in the hell they want. None of us wanting to have “that” child who goes into absolute hysterics like they just found out Santa Claus was a descendant of Hitler, so we all let it go and then us being parents amass our own “rope-a-dope” strategy of all leaving very close to the same time. Children think they are getting over on us, but in the end they had fun, and we all got out of there without a screaming child.
Tomorrow will be officially known as The Arctic Challenge at noon. This will be an experiment in selling Girl Scout Cookies in weather that will be in the teens. For the crowd that likes their Tagalongs and Thin Mints frozen, load up the St. Bernard and grab your Scandinavian outer wear and come on down! I may even let Hammy enjoy some of his native Russian cold weather, nevermind on that we still aren’t sure if he took the nerf ball. Guess what else Hammy, Sloane was looking at pictures of Syrian hamsters today, two words for you “OH SHIT.” I don’t know what agency or fundamentalist group he will be affiliated with but I’ll run a checklist by you of all the crazy shit that goes down in Syria. If your lucky he will be some descendant of a poor farmer on the outskirts of Damascus, but a good chance he won’t be. You need to wire Moscow for some back up fast. You might need to recruit a sleeper cell of hamster ninjas (yes even hamster ninjas are bad ass) because if she ends up with a Syrian hamster your life will never be the same. Yes I believe I have a higher calling to write hamster spy novels, life works in mysterious ways sometimes.
Since Sloane and her mother haven’t done one thing all week on working on her Brownie computer jedi master badge this week, the baton was passed on to me (at Sloane’s urging) to finish it up this weekend so we will be doing that tomorrow afternoon after we warm up from the Arctic Challenge. Needless to say I’m kind of excited I get more bonus days with her and get to earn another badge for her with the Brownies. I got called king of the Brownie dad’s by Sloane before, but if I earn her three badges solely on my own I’m going to wear that as a badge of honor! Let me find another divorced dad that has done that (if I do I’ll tip my hat and say good job, THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!), as I’ve written before having a Brownie troop leader that finds something for the girls to do non stop is pretty amazing also. Plenty of badge opportunities to be had and when Sloane is on my watch we will keep her mom sewing until her hands bleed.
Going to call it a night and make 20 lbs of chicken noodle soup so the girls and other parents can attempt to stay warm tomorrow. Might even start a campaign with the Girl Scouts to push cookie sales back to the spring when it’s , you know, WARMER!