Random thoughts today would it be “cheating” on my daughter if I bought a box of Girl Scout Cookies from the cute little troop that was not my daughter’s at the store today? Some Tagalongs were sounding rather tasty today while I was at the store and I almost lost my conscious and purchased the chocolate & peanut butter morsels of gold… Then I told myself I would be letting my daughter and her troop down if I did. I know, the Big Kahuna Girl Scout leader and if I really needed the extra calories, I could just go through her instead. Chalk that down has one impulse buy I didn’t make!
Being cheated on isn’t really something I’ve discussed on here much, sure any loyal reader knows about the adulterer I use to be married to, but I haven’t really talked about what it does to a person, or more specifically what it did to me. I’ve got pages upon pages filled with anger, bewilderment, perplexity, and just about every other what in the hell adjective you can think of while I was on the emotional roller coaster last summer and just really didn’t know how to put it in words or to express myself properly. I wasn’t there yet.
Being cheated on is a low I hope nobody ever has to go through, unfortunately I’m not alone in this and have come across many men and women who were/are in the same boat. I didn’t get left for George Clooney either so my self-confidence was at an all-time low. What did I do? What could I have done different? Why was I so blind? These are perfectly normal feelings to have. By the time I learned I was being cheated on, I was already in the process of divorce.
Looking back and knowing what I know now, for all I know it could have been months that this had been going on. Thankfully, I reached a point last year where I finally realized that it wasn’t my fault. It took me months, others it may take years, we are all wired differently but it wasn’t your (or my) fault. Adultery in its purest form is the strongest sign of weakness, a chicken shit way to fulfill some “desire” you may or may not be getting at home. The easy way out of a tough discussion/talk. My marriage, I thought, was solid as I rock. I was wrong! Let me rephrase that, THANK GOD IT WASN’T and I was wrong!
I have good friends that I know were adulterers (any of them will tell you point blank though that I’m not covering your ass), I know plenty of married couples that met through having an affair, while married, but each and every one of these people get to live with their own code, their own mantra. The Cheater’s Bible per say. You started in a new relationship by breaking the bonds of marriage, what happens when your current fling hits a rocky spot? You met him/she through cheating and both of you know it… Does this put doubt in your head that one of you is cheating on the other one?
Good relationships are built over time. Time that establishes trust, if you subscribed to the cheater’s mantra you have forgone that trust and have to live in constant fear of being cheated on yourself. This is not my problem, this is your problem cheater! Adulterers break up families and homes and this is the guilt they get to live with the rest of their lives. The not “knowing” aspect. Numbers don’t lie, second marriages have higher divorce rates than first marriages. Marriages built on affairs are in the ninety percentile! To quote Leroy Jethro Gibbs “I don’t believe in coincidences,” there is ZERO trust in a relationship built on lies in the first place. That’s the cheater’s bible, living in fear. For me it’s beautiful because I don’t have to read that book if I don’t choose to.
I got a fresh lease on life in late November and personally things couldn’t be greater. I text back and forth with Katy Perry everyday (shit wrong blog)… I am free and clear of all that bullshit. These are the random thoughts I had today as I resisted the quick fix of a Tagalong cookie from a random Girl Scout troop instead of a box from my daughter’s troop. That is the last girl in the world that ever deserves to get cheated on!