The Eastern Seaboard Episodes: The Hunt for Miss Madison


To quote Caesar, “I came, I saw, I conquered!”

Day two of the Skipah travelling road show landed him in America’s melting pot of Washington D.C.  After weeks of meticulous planning, i.e. learning how use the Metro, my best laid plans were quickly diminished upon learning that the D.C. public transport system was shut down for the day.  My dreams of pitching policy to politicians and rubbing elbows with dignitaries from Luxembourg were quickly dashed, so I did what any Hoosier would do…I improvised!  With this sudden quandary I now found myself in though, my quest to find Miss Madison took a series of twists and turns, and I had to now drive into the city to find refuge in a parking garage ran by people that spoke English about as well as I speak Pig Latin.


Skipah’s D.C. travelling tip of the day, wear tennis shoes!

First stop though, I was going to see the Pentagon with or without Miss Madison. All I can say is that is one big freaking building!  Pictures I’ve ever seen in books or on television were pretty much moot after seeing it first-hand!  I would insert photos of it, but the legal department is telling me that isn’t a good ideal so trust me it is a ginormous place!  With that personal tidbit out of the way, it was time to go find Miss Madison.

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I quickly learned almost every president since WWII gets some plot of land in their name around here

The Grove is actually right next to the Pentagon and has an amazing little walkway through the woods.  I’m betting in the spring/summer it is absolute beautiful to see in person.  In a weird spooky way, the whole time I was walking in there I felt like I was on some kind of closed loop surveillance film.  Probably because the Pentagon is literally right next door.  Upon sweeping the grounds, I declared it null and void of Miss Madison and headed across the Potomac to get the search on!


That guy liked his dogs and freaking loved his Mexican spider strain of weed!

These two dudes were just asking for it.  No idea why the guy on the left had managed to get himself some complimentary D.C. bracelets for his troubles, but his buddy was about take a full Secret Service ass whipping if he didn’t shut up.  On a lighter note, listening to the purveyor of all things cannabis lay out in detail the area’s marijuana laws made me wonder why in the hell this guy isn’t practicing medicine or something.  If he devoted half the time he’s spent on learning about hippie lettuce on something like cancer research instead we would have a cure by tomorrow.  It was quite the show going on behind the White House last Wednesday afternoon!  I checked with the Secret Service and the D.C. police and to the best of their knowledge Miss Madison hadn’t been arrested so I kept up my pursuit.

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The Treasury building is quite awe inspiring!  Albert Gallatin statue for anyone interested.

On a hunch I checked out the Treasury building hoping she was in there working out scheme to funnel some money for us.  I didn’t have proper clearance and wasn’t really wanting to get my own Secret Service ass kicking, plus Miss Madison is a woman of integrity and goes about getting rich on more proper nefarious schemes like playing the Powerball!  Needless to say I didn’t locate her here either.

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Everything about the IRS sucks, hell even D.C. gives them a shitty looking structure!

Just to make sure she hadn’t joined the dark side, I did knock on the door here and poked my head in for a look.  No Miss Madison, just a bunch of uptight miserable pricks using a dart board with various zip codes and names to determine who to audit this year.  If you ever get audited, it’s random alright. Chip the intern from Fresno State University is in there throwing darts at your silhouette with the half eaten burrito he’s wearing as an apron.  No Miss Madison here either, so I moved on to the next stop.

cherry tree

Unlike Mr. Washington I didn’t cut any cherry trees down.

I didn’t find her climbing any cherry trees either, but on a pleasant side note, a lot of the cherry trees in downtown were already blooming and the quaff through the air was quite pleasant.  By now I’m on sensory overload as the architecture of all these buildings I can’t even begin to put in words.  I don’t care what your political leanings are, Washington D.C. is an amazing place if you have never been.  Downtown and the surrounding area is literally the cleanest city I’ve ever seen.  It makes Disney World look like a dump with the immaculate sidewalks and all the landscape upkeep that goes on.

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Tour buses, cabs, bicycles and morons make up the D.C. traffic pattern.

The civil engineer that thought to put this near the Potomac should be commended.  If you know anything about directions, you will always know where the river is and that is “south” of you.  This is vital information when wandering around aimlessly trying to not look like a tourist checking out a pocket map every twenty feet.  I didn’t find Miss Madison here either. With my stomach growling and running out of places to look, my next stop was The Smithsonian.

PicMonkey Collage-Washington

The Smithsonian, I will not be able to justly put in words how neat this place is!

Everybody should go to this place at least once in their life.  It ought to be mandatory for all school age children to have their school district take them to see this free treasure of Americana, history, and just about everything else.  Seeing the original Stars and Stripes that our national anthem was based on is definitely a “chill” moment unless you have sulfuric acid running through your veins and a mechanical heart.  To quote the hippies it was “Neato Mosquito!”  After traversing this kick ass museum my extra spidey sense kicked in and a quick turn to my left and what did I see………Miss Madison!

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Even the most trained ninja couldn’t fix my 17 chins in this selfie!

All was well in the Skipahsphere, and I even become an instant heartthrob to a bunch of gangly tweens who though Miss Madison was running off with some serial killer who lived in Washington.  Before the trip through the Smithsonian was over though I gained acceptance in their little Glee club known as “The Lucky Charms”, Miss Madison said good bye to them, and then I had my own pro bono tour guide for the rest of the evening in Washington D.C.!

If you don’t like pictures scroll down to the end!

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Old Ebbitt Grill for dinner, I give the crab cakes a 7.5 out of 10 on the Skipah crab cake scale.

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The architecture in D.C. is second to none!

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Seeing the White House would qualify as a “chill” moment also!

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Damn, it’s way taller than it looks on TV!

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WWII Memorial is breathtaking at night, I will always have a special place in my brain for Tom Hanks for the fundraising he led to have this site built.

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I’m down to ten chins in this selfie!

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The Lincoln Memorial is HUGE!  Some things you just have to see for yourself.

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This picture is courtesy of Miss Madison threatening to kick me in the balls if I didn’t get the reflection off the pond.  Just kidding she only threatened to put Exlax in my Diet Dr. Pepper.


I didn’t see Forrest Gump running through the pond yelling Jenny while I was there.  This qualifies as a “chill” moment also.

If you ever get a chance to visit the monuments at night, please do;  you will be rewarded ten-fold.  We ran out of time to visit the Jefferson Memorial, but before we got home we visited his actual house!  About it for tonight, planning my next trip to D.C. and I’ve got more pictures to edit!




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  7. Wow, what an impressive post. I am sure, I can’t really imagine how BIG and monumental the buildings and landmarks are. It must be quite overwhelming to visit all these places, thinking of the American history. I love your idea to take the youngsters there on a school trip. Knowing about history is important !
    Just one question, where do they teach pig latin ??? 🐽 LOL Thanks for that amazing city sight seeing experience , very entertaining post. Romeo & Juliet 2016 … with happy ending.

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  9. Some amazing photos and I only counted 4 chins in that last one :-p

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  13. I’m going to be up there in the summer…but I don’t think I’ll get to see anything. Thanks for letting me go with you!

  14. Beautiful Pictures.
    Keep traveling so I can live through you, until I get the chance to go. Very uplifting. By the way, love your humor. Your posts always make me laugh.
    Virgos Rock!!!

  15. Sounds like a great little adventure!

  16. It’s been awhile since I’ve been to DC. There is so much to see that a couple of days doesn’t do it justice.

  17. The pictures with the reflections in the water were the best! Glad you rescued Miss Madison from the teenagers! Hope the part you didn’t include was as great as my dirty mind imagines it!

  18. Such a fun time. Great photos!

  19. Great pictures! Good to have you back!

  20. Great photos. Did you taste crab cakes anywhere else other than Old Ebbitt?

  21. Jules Strawberry

    Looks like a lot of fun! Gorgeous pics. I always wondered how those random audits worked, thanks for enlightening me.

    Most of all, it’s good to see you happy! 🙂 🙂 🙂


  22. I have GOT to take my son to Washington DC! What a super post!

    • The architecture and atmosphere alone is something I will never forget. It literally takes your breath away seeing the history of our country unfold right before your eyes.

  23. Who doesn’t like pictures?!? That’s my favorite part!

  24. And the Vietnam wall is where??????
    Sucks about the public transport being down, but yay for all of the “chill” moments! Still waiting for the really fun part of the trip…for my notes. 🙂

    • It will be a couple of days :), the Vietnam Wall I saw in the evening. It’s not the best to see at night from a photography standpoint unless you have a “real” camera. Still cool to see, it’s just not lit up very well.

  25. Where’s Arlington and the Marine Corp Memorial?

    • I found out after the fact I was literally blocks away from Arlington and the Marine Corps Memorial when I was by the Pentagon. Still kicking myself in the ass for not getting to see Arlington, it will be on the bucket list if I ever get to go back!

Tell Skipah all about it!

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