Don’t let the beauty fool you, it’s freaking cold!
Freeze warnings, wind advisories, it’s April 7th for crying out loud! The daffodil army and pansy platoon are laughing all the way until next March. Henrietta Hosta and all of her bridge playing buddies in the enchanted flower garden are just going to have to ride the storm out for a few days. Thankfully, I’ve played this southern Indiana “gotcha” spring game many times over the years. I have many years of failed plants and a Brinks truck worth of money invested just to prove I’m no master gardener. No seeds in the ground for me yet this year though, except for my three strains of hippy lettuce, but it’s safely tucked away in the garage in a planter along with a couple of other things we have put in pots.
These babies are headed to an all inclusive vacation in the garage!
My special hybrid lettuce for my Colorado followers!
Was Punxutawney Phil spiking his coffee with Kahlua or what last February? Early spring, my ass! The latest I can remember it snowing in this sector of the planet was on derby day many moons ago—that would be the first Saturday in May. Kentuckians, you better know what day the Derby is held or you will be banished to West Virginia. Hopefully after this weekend it’s back to cargo shorts, no show socks, and T-shirts to show off my bulging biceps and shapely legs. I’ve been training hard for my upcoming photo shoot for a future piece in Life magazine featuring America’s sexiest bloggers. Or I just hate wearing a winter coat in April.
This will be a daily pic until they lose, to quote Bull Durham“Never eff with a streak!”
I finally get to rescue Sloane this weekend, and not a moment too soon! I’m reaching out to anyone that has done this whole separate family thing before. Sloane, for once, got to escape Boredom, USA: Population three for a night and got to spend the day at the American Girl Doll store in Nashville, TN today. From the phone call I received before bedtime, it sounds like she had an absolute blast. I would show you pictures, but of course I don’t have any because that would involve the foreign concept of co-parenting. Rumor has it that it does exist; I’m still a tad bit skeptical of it myself, but my little mini me did manage to sneak one picture in to me.
Parenting tip 101 from Mr. Skipah….If an American Girl Doll catalog shows up in your mailbox throw it away before your daughter ever sees it! Ivy League educations are cheaper!
Quick disclaimer: I’m currently living in sin if you listen to some 1930’s bible thumper, different era and different times. I get that, however, if Miss Madison showed up tomorrow with a Shetland pony for Miss Madison Jr. and a Van Halen starter kit for the Turtle Man, I’m going to say, “Where do you want me to set up the stable and studio?” I would also probably ask “What all were you doing when you were at that teacher conference in Vegas again?”, but that is beside the point. Those are her children, and as long as we have the lights on and food to eat, it’s not my place to question what she spent on her children. If I show up with a live Siberian tiger for Sloane, I would expect the same courtesy.
Apparently it doesn’t work like that in Sloane’s neck of the woods. She was rambling on and on about all of her new found American Girl Doll loot like I’m describing the 1990 Cincinnati Reds season when I was a kid. About the time I think she is ready to end the phone call so she can play with her new toy horse she got from there, she informs me she doesn’t get to play with it until tomorrow. I ask the usual parenting questions of “Did you lose that opportunity because you misbehaved?”, “Nope dad, I didn’t want to upset my stepdad if he saw all the stuff I got”, I’m paraphrasing these quotes, but the gist is he would have lost his mind if he saw how much she was spoiled today.
She’s eight and has been through the ringer since she was six. She’s learned what an affair is all on her own (calm down, it wasn’t me) and now is being taught to fear the wrath of adults because she got too many toys on a mini vacation she got to take today. This is asinine! Let’s teach an eight-year-old it’s O.K. to hide stuff from an authority figure for fear of backlash when all she wants to do is play with her new toy. Freaking spare me already! The fact she has to be raised in this culture of deceit is upsetting and very troubling and right now there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it!
About it for tonight, just yet another episode in the complete and utter mystery that is known as life. One day, after I get out of my own legal peccadillos (nothing criminal), I’m setting up some kind of network for dads that have been and are wronged. We get stereotyped in a bad light because of all the other dumb men before us. Modern family law still uses archaic rules, and men are the ones made to suffer. Bring on the weekend already, Sloane has nothing to fear when she is home with me!