The Mysterious Tree Post

I’ve been in the digital landscape for close to four years.  Every time I think I have the internet figured out, a quick looksy of how some of you find my online paradise just has me shaking my head in disbelief.  I’ve had young Indian boys find my site in hopes of exercising their wrist muscles to their favorite porn stars.  There was an instance when someone was looking for information on Sugartit, Kentucky and found this online domicile instead.  You never know what is going to happen on an internet deep dive, so let us recap another round of Skipah’s Search Engine Posts.  Once again these hopeless souls found my site with intentions of finding something else I’m sure!

AMAZON

It’s no secret I used to work for a subcontractor that handled deliveries for this oversized internet mall.  So finding somebody linking up to this makes total sense. Unless of course, they were looking for tips on the ginormous rainforest in Brazil.  Let’s clarify, one is the largest rainforest on earth, the other is the biggest group of peckers to work for in the world.  One has live piranhas swimming in the river named after the rainforest, the other is literally a piranha in the corporate world.  There is a reason Jeff Bezos owns most of the air in North America, and it’s not because he gives a crap about his employees and affiliates.  But hey, click here buy something and you can have it by the time you wake up in the morning!

MYSTERIOUS TREE CANVAS ART PRINT

I’ve been called a dick, asshole, mother fornicater, hell some people even call me Gary.  I’ve never been mentioned in the same breath as Monet, Da Vinci, or Van Gogh. How in the hell somebody was looking for a mysterious tree in canvas art form has me mindblown.  I know art rhymes with fart, and I liked The Thomas Crown Affairicon, but that is about as far as I go in the art world. The creepy thing is a quick google search of this term and it shows a canvas art print I bought my wife for her birthday back when we were dating.  It looks expensive, but I got it on clearance at Kirkland’s for like a buck and a quarter..  Since I can’t find a post anywhere that I’ve actually posted the image, maybe some Chinese kid is secretly hacking my computer and putting this stuff on the internet.

Apply for EIN

EIN Number is code for “employee identification number.”  Since I made Skipah’s Realm a bonafide business at the beginning of 2015 maybe this future entrepreneur stumbled onto my site looking for tips on how to obtain their own ID number.  You can apply for EIN online, or just call the federal government and sit on hold for six days waiting to get the pertinent information.  The pros of having your own EIN: You get to expand your money making opportunities with your website. The cons:  Uncle Sam doesn’t care if you a blogger, booger, or blowhard. Uncle Sam is like Levon, and likes his money.  There are people way smarter than me to help you cut down on your tax bill, but write off those web hosting fees every year!  Although I don’t recommend trying to write off petty expenses like a new laptop, at least not in the state of Indiana!
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Ex-Wife Voodoo

Now we are talking!  I’m sure this is probably related to this post.  I’ve tried voodoo, praying to the heavens, backroom deals with the mafia, anything I could to get my ex-wife to find some reasoning to be normal when it comes to our child.  Again, I will just bite my tongue and wait it out until my future heir to millions (Monopoly money of course) is old enough to speak for herself. Whomever found me via this search term, all I can say they are your ex for a reason.  Embrace it, hell do like I did and get a younger and smarter upgrade in the companionship department. Not only will they still hate you, but even better is they RESENT you for letting them know the sun doesn’t exactly rise nor set on their ass like they thought.

Stepdaughter Caught Sneaking Out

Full disclaimer:  My own step daughter is pretty cool.  Witty and smart, I’m not worried about her sneaking out at all.  That being said she is only 11 and boys, boobs, and hormones haven’t factored into the equation yet.  I’m guessing since I have stepchildren some pissed off stepdad found me looking for solutions to keep his stepdaughter from sneaking out.  My advice would be to track her phone like a hungry hound dog on the scent of a fresh T-Bone. Even better install a home security system that is Mossad approved, but if you’re still having problems with this wayward youth, just change the Wifi password and post awkward pre-teen pictures of her on Snapchat and be sure to include all of her friends on that post.  Real results take real actions!

Dating After Divorce

Divorce sucks….at first.  Once you get adjusted to your new life, and you are ready to date again, it’s just like riding a bike….if you are under 30!  Being single again is fun! Meeting new people is not! Before I met Miss Madison I got to be “rebound” guy, went out with a girl that can only be summed up as “Bye, Felicia,” after our second date, and there were a few that had to stay in the “friend zone.”  Fear not, newly single person, with a little time and patience Mr./Mrs. Wonderful is right around the corner for you, or if you just want to “keep playing the field” by all means knock yourself out.  You are single now you control your life, not that bitching spouse that thankfully did you a solid when they said, “Can we talk for a second.”

Where is the Goodyear Blimp kept?

I’m sure due to internet SEO it is referring to this literary masterpiece.  I honestly have no idea where it is stored….stand by……well, according to my crack research (Google) there are three Goodyear Blimps and they are in Ohio, California, and Florida.  I know everyone was waiting with bated breath for this groundbreaking information. Coincidentally the Ohio blimp housing shelter is located near Akron, OH, which makes perfect sense, being that the company was founded there.  Other news from Akron while we are on it, where in the hell is native son Lebron James going to be playing basketball next year?  I have no idea, but would love to hear your thoughts.  My non-existent NBA connections tell me the L.A. Lakers.

About it for now, I really need to go investigate this Chinese hacker theory a little further.  If they are taking photos off of my laptop, holy hell I’m going to have to enter witness protection soon!  I can’t be having photos of me holding doors open for the elderly for all to see, I’ve got a reputation to uphold!

BJ’s wholesale website - DHGate.com
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5 Comments

  1. How the heck do these people get routed to you?! Lol! So silly!
    The ones asking about divorce and dating could definitely benefit from your help. The Sugartit KY? Well… sounds just bizarre! Lmao!

  2. Mine are never this interesting, so I’m glad you shared yours 🙂

    • Interesting is my middle name in case you didn’t know!

    • Yeah, I haven’t had anything NEARLY this interesting that I have seen in sloshing through my analytics. However, I am not going to let Dear Husband see this post, as you have just confirmed his deepest and darkest fears about what I do for a living, hence why he will always be Dear Husband on my blog and nothing more 🙂

  3. Jeanette S. Hall

    Gary,
    Still not sure why you titled this post about a tree? Used to love climbing trees when I could still walk! Was looking forward to hearing tales about a tree your little girl had climbed all the way to the top. But the archer may not enjoy tree climbing. How has her practice sessions with the bow and arrow been going over the summer?

    Am no longer a fully functional female! Had a hysterectomy this past Monday (6/25/2018). Thank God that I am done with Tampons permanently! Mind you am still on pain medications (so take my words with a grain of salt)!

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