This Old House

I’m thinking of making this my new logo.  

I’m alive, I’m well, and I’m also way behind keeping up with the bloggy world.  Life throws plenty of curveballs at you, and my life is no different.  Between archery tournaments, holidays, and trying to find gainful employment I’ve been a tad busy.  This has taken up roughly 25% of my time though.  So I’m sure you are asking what is taking up the other 75%?  It’s not that I just became the Christmas tree baron of Indiana, more like Miss Madison has me working around the clock for bigger and better things.

Somewhere Lee Iacocca is smiling.  Chrysler owners rejoice, I actually got one to stay upright for 200,000 miles!

Pop quiz, loyal readers, have you ever tried to sell a house?  You in the back wearing Florida State University gear, did I see you raise your hand?  You have, yeah it sucks, and it is hard work!  That’s right, Miss Madison and the Skipah have put the Skipah’s Realm Madison, Indiana headquarters on the market.  So it’s time for a Skipah’s guide to “try” to sell a house.

Step one…….PAINT!  I thought my affair with Sherwin Williams was over.  I ended it unceremoniously, but she got me back ten fold.  That half-ass painting project you started 10 years ago, that was “acceptable” at the time, no it is now unacceptable.  The past couple of weeks I’ve had to paint 1900 square feet of trim that I’m sure was a huge hit in 1972 at a fondue party.  It was far from groovy to say the least, but now it is all nice and pretty.  In an unrelated note, I’m more than likely going to see a surgeon for rotator cuff surgery in the near future.

Nothing to see here, move along.  Coming soon Skipah’s painting playlist for your favorite listening device.

You think you are done with your paintbrush after all that…..wrong.  Stop what you are doing right now and look up.  Yup, that’s your ceiling that is feeling more neglected than an ex-lover.  Candle residue, years of booger flipping (kids of course), and small villages of cobwebs will have you getting out the stepladder and slapping a fresh coat of white on your ceilings.  

I may or may not have tried to burn down the house.  That is a picture of a burnt curtain in case you were wondering.  Skipah’s PSA for the day:  Keep curtains off of lamps!

If your ceiling is really feeling like a jilted lover, she will throw the ultimate dagger at you and crack in spots.  Since I’ve met no one in my life that loves dealing with drywall mud and sanding it, this is another craptastic DIY project you have to do on your own.  Pro tip:  When sanding drywall mud from filling in a crack in your ceiling, be sure to wear protective gear.  Macho man Skipah didn’t and I’m pretty sure my lungs are now white, and I’m going to go blind by Christmas.  Again, make sure your ceilings are happy, fixing them gives a new definition to “high maintenance” relationship!

Still ready to punch out in the painting department….nope, boss lady just reminded you that every ginormous window we own needs some TLC also.  Painting a window sucks, but at least when painting a window you are allowed to get a tad sloppy if you get anything on the glass.  Why may you be wondering?  Because razorblades are some of the most versatile tools on the planet.  From cutting up cocaine (bear with me I’ve started watching Narcos) to slicing your fingers on accident, razor blades will scrape any errant paint off that wants to have a loving home on your pane of glass.

Hopefully, this will be the end of your painting.  Maybe some wall touch-ups or, you know, painting a whole room because the Turtle Man decided at an early age that he would be a modern day Picasso.  The Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, is pretty awesome, but years of caked marker require more paint, so are you still ready to sell your house?

Kids will damn near run into brick walls this time of year, you can get them to do anything if you threaten a phone call to Santa!

Up next, fixing half-assed errors in a house that the previous male occupant committed.  It’s not rocket science using a screwdriver, cordless drill, or a hammer…or so I thought!  I’ve had to manhandle more stripped screws than a Chinese QC coordinator.  Skipah’s second PSA of the day:  Once a screw has reached its potential in length…stop!  Patching two-inch holes that should have required a finishing nail, tends to get a tad old and annoying.  I won’t even start on how many landscaping projects have been fixed, all of them would have been disqualified at any local Home and Garden show before I stepped in.  I’m not pounding my chest like some hero, just appalled at some of the stuff I’ve had to fix.  Miss Madison gets on me if I hang a towl incorrectly, how she signed off on some of this other work has me baffled!   

Thankfully, our loving home is mostly brick, granted I said mostly.  The little bit of vinyl siding along with our gutters was ready to join the witness protection program before I found this little treat at Sam’s Walton’s playground for adults that I have to frequent because of no other options in my city.  November in Indiana, stiff wind blowing from the west, what better time to wash all your siding and guttering.  Thankfully it warmed up this week or my fingers would have succumbed to frostbite.  Now our siding is white as a fresh Denver snow, and the gutters have at least made it to “he tried” status.   

Believe me, we would have had to list this place with grey vinyl siding just a few days ago!

I’m sure I’m omitting a few things (feel free to chime in Miss Madison) we’ve been doing to spruce up the place, but you also need a kick ass realtor, which we are lucky enough to have! Long story short, I’ve been off the blogging airwaves because frankly I’ve become the cheapest painter/landscaper/drywaller/cleaner on the earth!  Selling a house is work!  You just don’t realize how much needs done until you get into it.  

Hopefully, all our hard work has paid off… somebody make Miss Madison an offer!  

About it for now, an open house last weekend and another this weekend.  Pour me another Bacardi and Diet Coke, because apparently the ceiling hasn’t appreciated my delicate handling and just reminded me she has a patching mud addiction that needs to be catered to!  I’m getting so good at this stuff I should start posting DIY videos or maybe see if Bob Vila is hiring for an assistant!

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  4. trudy trudy trudy trudy trudy great post trudy trudy trudy trudy

  5. Best of luck my friend, I know you will get through. Maybe you already did since this is an old post and I’m a second time busy ass dad/husband!

  6. The house looks great, I’m sure that you will get an offer soon.

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  8. Good luck on selling your house

  9. At least as you mentioned, the turtle man can be calmed by the mention of Santa at this time of year! Is there not a place that will buy a home as is, no repairs required down there? A round here, you just have to tell the company you are wanting to place your house on the market and they do the rest. Yeah, you may not get the best price but you avoid all the annoying repairs!

  10. We are nearing the end of our condo selling trip. Had to paint everything as well, including kitchen cabinets. Looked so good I almost didn’t want to sell. Closing is next week!

  11. It is SO much work. SO much. *sigh* But then you get to move on and enjoy a new house 🙂
    Good luck!

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