BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!
Once a year the Kentucky/Southern Indiana border war (Louisville, Kentucky district) decides to recognize a two-week cease fire. In the Hoosier land, we quit calling the police every time we see a vehicle marked with Kentucky license plates, and our neighbors south of the Ohio River decide to quit driving like morons. What brings this harmonious peace agreement? The Kentucky Derby Festival is what! Not sure how to explain this phenomenon, but maybe this image will help people who aren’t “native” to the area understand!
Shout out to Tombo Owen for summarizing it so nicely in this part of the world right now.
Even better, after Spring Break, the imaginary egg laying Bunny holiday, and bad luck, this dad finally had a weekend with the heir to massive debt and an online website to call her own in the future. I’m sure she is plotting ways to off me at this moment! That’s right, my daughter got to join the gang this weekend and we were sure to keep making memories! This would be her first visit in about a month, unfortunately, them’s the breaks in divorced dad land every couple of years when you don’t get spring/fall break to fall on your calendar year.
So how do we do things here when it’s Derby season? We have a two-state party that involves one of the biggest air shows in the country, followed up with the largest firework show in all of North America. I’m not sure about in the world since those Middle Eastern oil barons do everything to excess, but trust me there is a ton of boom and bang! If you have never watched a fighter jet break the sound barrier and get tingly, you haven’t lived!
Me being a local yokel in these parts most of my life, I kind of have taken this stuff for granted. Miss Madison hadn’t been in years, and it was a good decade since I decided to brave the crowds and traffic to watch stuff go BOOM. However, it’s free, and my daughter plus her step-siblings wanted to witness this monstrosity of gunpowder. Free is a good thing for child entertainment especially when you are still making two house payments! Also, if anybody is looking for a fresh start and can tolerate the allergies I know a person who has a house for sale in Madison, Indiana!
Sloane is clamoring to go to Yale, hence the T-shirt, the Turtle Man is just looking for a new place to get dirt on himself.
A full day of watching military aircraft, vintage planes, and other toys that must have the Wright Brothers completely mindblown in the afterlife, all leads up to 30 minutes of carefully choreographed explosions that when it is all said and done the mosquito population has had serious genocide inflicted upon them. Unfortunately the mosquito can breed at rates not seen since Travis Henry played football, but for one night at least nobody has to worry about the little bloodsuckers having a feast.
It’s Derby time around here, I would be remiss if I didn’t include a picture of horses!
Skipah, did you say 30 minutes of fireworks?. More like 1800 seconds or if you really want to break it down, a little over two percent of any given day. My butt hasn’t rumbled that much since (insert Taco Bell joke), and seeing three kids with gaping looks on their mouths made the event well worth it.
Thunder over Louisville kicks off two weeks of hot-air balloon magic, a steamboat race, and only about a million other things to do before the first Saturday in May gets here. Then it is time for the first leg of the Triple Crown in thoroughbred circles. Miss Madison, me, and our offspring are VIP’s at Churchill Downs in a couple of weeks at the Turf Club. Since I recently ran into John Asher (Vice President of Churchill Downs….not Jenny McCarthy’s ex-husband) at a local eatery, we made some small talk and voila I’m living large in two weekends!
Actually most of that previous paragraph was made up, I did bump into John Asher (the horse guy) and we even said excuse me to each other at that awkward moment when two people are trying to get their lids for their fountain drinks. I of course was all over anything diet, Mr. Asher apparently has a fondness for unsweet tea. Instead of braving the crowds at the track though, we will be attending the worst kept secret in town come Derby Day. A Derby party with illicit gambling (legal), even more illicit food, and some of the most illicit kid friendly entertainment in town. Take that, Rhodes Scholar, this schmuck just used illicit three times in one sentence!
If you aren’t from this area you probably have no idea who John Asher is, he and I ate lunch at the same establishment one day last week.
About it for now, just learned of some #Breaking news that Gronk (the horse) is out of the Kentucky Derby! Since this young three old male was named after the all-world Patriots tight end, the Louisville Gold Diggers club is going to have to potentially find a new mate to go after if Rob G. doesn’t come in town next week. Ever since he bought a stake in the horse, my buddies and I had set the over/under of bastard children at -2.5 in nine months! Pipe down horse racing affecianodos I know this actually broke on Monday, I’m just too damn busy anymore to get a blog post out in real time!