Unlucky Number Seven

Did Louisville host a kite convention today and not tell anyone about it?  The wind today was atrocious, it’s been a steady 20-30 mph all day, and I fully expected to see the wicked witch of the west and Toto to go flying by today.  Due to the high winds we have moved the writing studio to the friendly confines of the dining room.  Hammy sky high after last night’s first Reds win in a week, is popping beer nuts vowing not to change his shirt until they lose again.  I assured him it won’t be that long, yes I’ve already reached midsummer frustration with them.  It’s the trauma of rooting for them since I was a young child.

First non-rain day in a while, thought I would try to do some mowing but that was going to require and Everglades’s style air boat with rotating blades underneath.  My backyard is a cross of Louisiana swampland minus the gators and grass so tall young rabbits would get lost in it.  So instead I took a long walk, and it dawned on me.  Counting tomorrow I will only have custody of Sloane SEVEN days between tomorrow and May 15th.  Seven frigging days, tell me in what world is that remotely fair.  I lose the second weekend in May to Mother’s Day weekend.  Not saying she shouldn’t be with her mother that weekend.  No I’m still bitching about the four days a week her mother gets her now.

Basically seven days out of 30, of course I will still see her at school events and softball games (that don’t get rained out), but that’s asinine.  By then also will be the much ballyhooed court date of May 13, I’ve got a call into Laura Wasser, but she hasn’t gotten back to me.  Hopefully I can run my legal record to 2-0 by the 13th, I’m going with the puppy dog eyes defense.  Or I’ll just hold up a picture of Sloane with the puppy dog eyes she does it much better.  Or I’ll print the other 8,000,000 pages of perfectly innocuously material and multiple parenting fails and enter them into evidence against whatever highly questionable (at best) items she wants to take me to court over.  Her lawyer I just hope makes those same completely unprofessional glares at me again because this time I will point them out.

I’ve got to read up on the art of being a lawyer some more, and her behavior should have gotten her a reprimand from the Indiana Bar association.  I wish the judge would have seen it I’m sure he would have been disappointed in some one representing law in his court room looking at me after reading every point like she just had just been hit with a taser.  Either way let’s go to court I’m worried, but not scared, that dumbass already put me through the wringer once she isn’t doing it again.  She can come off as the petty bitter one.  Just give me my daughter half the time and take your happy ass to the land of denim jackets, kissing cousins, and the uneducated.  Me I’ll be just fine.  I’ve broken ZERO criminal laws, whatever abstract law there is in family court I feel as if I haven’t broken any of those either.  I just want to see my daughter, let her mom go only seven out of 30 days without seeing her and see if her attitude was any different.

Way back when, I talked of being the “cool” dad, today when I went and visited Sloane for lunch I felt more than the cool dad I felt like these kids are my friends.  I’ve got a certain pack of second graders that argue over who gets to sit near me so they can all pose for pictures now, and one of them even asked if I knew how to put words on pictures.  I said like a meme?  No, words on pictures, so I whipped him up a meme on my phone and shot it off to his mother.  She was tickled pink and he thought it was so cool he posed for another one.  Sloane got in on the act and went around and took pictures of most of the students that I know their mom or dad.  I don’t take pictures of any child I don’t personally know their parent, but the ones that I do know they line up like its picture day at school.  It’s a blast!  Don’t think on this little mini hiatus from Sloane I won’t be eating lunch there a few times.  Although I will pick a better day than fish, peas, and mac n cheese day next time.  I even told a few of the boys that insist on calling me Mr. Mathews or Sloane’s dad that I’m perfectly alright with being called Gary.  I even informed their mother’s what polite young men they are and it’s more than acceptable for them to call me Gary.

It’s now time for first pitch and I just got a notification from a 28 year old teacher in INDIANA!  Good night everybody.


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  1. School fish and peas sounds vomitous. Thanks for that image.

  2. OMG IT WORKED! Gary I can comment on your blog!
    7 days is not ideal, agreed, but you’ll get more for sure. You’re clearly a devoted dad, and that must mean something.


  4. Ouch, 7 days is not nearly enough time. Really sorry about that.

  5. Ouch, man, 7 days out of 30 is rough. At least you have the school visits and hopefully non-rained-out games to see her too!

    Annnnd, if you want to be really popular with the 2nd graders, maybe try bringing in a jar of NuttZo for the little gang! Just a thought. 🙂

    Hang tight my friend, good things happen to those who wait dads

    • Nuttzo would get me hung at the cross at school, just wait until Avery starts school. Peanut allergies are kid cancer now! I would have to walk in there with a HAZMAT suit if I brought in anything containing a peanut product.

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