Some administrative notes at Skipah’s Shortcuts today, the mayor of Campton, KY called and informed me that he didn’t want his city to be associated with the Anti-Vaxxer crowd either.  He made a compelling argument about the fine hard-working people there, so I’m now shipping them off to Fairfax, VT.  Anybody that has been to Fairfax, VT can tell you it will be their own personal Nirvana for the idiocy of being an Anti-Vaxxer. (It’s cold!).  Other administrative notes from yesterday, going forward this site will refer to my former wife as the ex or Sloane’s mother and only for context purposes at that.  If you want to hear me dish on her you will have to visit my new website.

Other than that I more than held my own in court yesterday.  I ended up getting stuck with the ex’s lawyer expenses but I knew that one going in.  You know when you are watching your favorite TV show that has some daunting court scene and you are watching it the whole time yelling at the TV going “Oh my god, I can’t believe this shit!  Yeah, that was me yesterday also, THANKFULLY, the judge had seen that TV show also.  I got a nice mention to knock it off, like two guys sitting at a bar bitching about their wives.  We both got told to use some common sense like I haven’t tried?  The ex’s lawyer acted extremely unprofessional (I didn’t know it was common for lawyers to look across the room and make faces at you after they make their point).  Yeah, I texted or emailed that, big deal I own it and this why we are in court, do your job and quit looking at me making stupid faces.  I’m not kidding either, this lawyer is billing 250.00 an hour (I think, it’s the going rate in my area for a “good” lawyer) trying a case that a junior law student from Indiana A & M (Hoosier’s will get that one) and after every argument or point would look up at me and make a face at me like she just got poked in the ass with a cattle prod.  By the time court was over I was mildly amused and frigging relieved.

Since isn’t quite a Fortune 500 company yet…come on POWERBALL we have no legal defense team and I’m not exactly ready to jump into law school.  I’ll take my one-day lawyer show and go back to my day job.  So anyone wanting legal details of yesterday feel free to contact me via email and I will take great pleasure telling you loyal reader how it went down.  Or you can visit my new website at, either way, “I’m still smiling”.

It’s Wednesday, and that only means one thing!  The non-custodial man’s wet dream, his child!  Actually, that’s kind of creepy sounding, bottom line I got the blonde bomber tonight.  With it being a weeknight and she having basketball practice until six it was a “condensed” evening.  I didn’t even get to cook her dinner (she ate mac n cheese and fruit), and her hair has suddenly become about four inches shorter since Sunday.  It was her choice I was told, but since I just had her “hair did” two weeks ago I have a feeling there is a new war brewing or the marketplace for cutting little girl’s hair is more cutthroat than real estate.  We have a big weekend lined up, well at least this Sunday, she can’t wait to go grandmas so I’ve relented and on Saturday she will stay with my mom.

It’s Valentine’s Day but I’ve always held the position it’s an overrated holiday anyway.  Mom’s get Mother’s Day, Dad’s get Father’s Day, but was the holiday genie secretly a woman since there isn’t an equivalent for guys?  Attached guys are expected to get flowers, chocolate (and then get bitched at), or jewelry.  Attached guys get in return a hat, maybe some “thunder under the covers”, or a back rub.  Sure sounds like a fair trade off to me (said no one ever!)

Sunday we have the girl scout/boy scout luncheon and I’ll be hawking those young lads like a deer hunter sitting in a tree stand looking for the perfect buck.  It will be a 203 point inspection test for dating my daughter, and since they start younger and younger every year I’m staying on top of it!  Then basketball, luckily I have all weekend to perfect the point shaving scheme, we will try again on Sunday.  It’s hard work figuring out what girls to “bribe”, my daughter being one of them.  They all just want to have fun, let’s make some damn coin off of this.  Zig instead of zag, a little turnover here or there isn’t a big deal.  Passing it to the other team, you tried sweetie.  Scoring baskets for the other team, it happens, hey at least you made a basket!

Point shaving seven-year-old girls’ basketball games is going to be me my new path to getting rich unless I hit six numbers on a lottery ticket.  500 million!  Can you only frigging imagine?  I would take the annuity and just roll it over to my daughter (if you can do that), If not I’m sure I can live on the 200-250 million or so I would actually get and so would Sloane.  I’m hoping that I finally got my lottery number prediction machine fine-tuned (I’ve got M.I.T, Stanford, and Indiana A & M techies on my staff now). They are young and eager!  About it for tonight maybe the Hoosier’s can win this game in turtle land tonight!







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  6. I can’t believe the attorney was making faces at you… I would have busted up laughing in court and then the judge would have held me in contempt of court… Just saying that’s my luck! Glad you have a smile on your face despite the sucky attorney’s fees thing! I have never really understood that to be honest with you. If she is the one calling the attorney and setting the court date how in the world is she entitled to attorney’s fees? Shouldn’t you be entitled attorney’s fees instead because she drug your behind into court? IDK just saying… I will go check out your new site fo sho!

    As far as the point shaving goes I wish you the best of luck! I couldn’t stop laughing about how you described girl’s basketball or kids sports period… “At least you made a basket…” Bwahahaha! As a day hard sports fan that was always so hard for me when my kids played sports because deep down I was thinking to myself what the hell were you thinking but you can’t say that to a child who is truly giving 1000% of what they have. In my son’s early days of football, like second or third grade, one of the kids on his team got the ball and ran the whole length of the field for a touchdown in the WRONG END ZONE! My brother and son’s dad were the coaches and they were running the sideline screaming you are going the wrong way and he kid was in his zone and never heard them I guess… It was hilarious as we had never seen this kid run like this or give so much heart. It was so hard not to laugh at him when the game was over as I said, “Way to show some heart kiddo. Look on the bright side you finally made a touchdown!”

    When high school came around and it was their first freshman football game we all made a banner with his name on it that read, “WRONG WAY “INSERT HIS NAME HERE!” LOOK FOR THE ARROW WHEN YOU GET THE BALL!” and had a reversible arrow to hold up for him from the stands. Bwahahaha! He never lived that first touchdown down but he had a great sense of humor about it! Great kids and great memories, thanks for inspiring that walk down memory lane!

    Much love,
    Lysa xx

  7. Oh how I am happy that I have boys!! That being said as long as they’re not emotionally challenged like their father I shouldn’t have to worry about them bringing horrid girls home.

    Good job on carrying on smiling! You know I know what it’s like. It’s hell, beyond hell, so the fact you smiled is good. When I came out of court I use to burst into tears a mix of upset, being cross and relief.

    Will pop over and check the new site out.

  8. Nasty is putting it nicely. Enjoy that weather, It’s a balmy 12 here today! I actually think dating will be a breeze (fingers crossed) she will treat every applicant like it’s some kind of job interview

  9. You’re too funny! I’m glad you are still smiling after your court hearing. Sounds like a nasty ordeal. I’m not looking forward to the dating scene for my daughter (or my sons either for that matter)

  10. As cute as your daughter is you might want to employ a small army to keep the boys away. I’m going to try to get this point shaving scheme going! Thanks for reading as always!

  11. Oooo, glad I don’t have to worry about the impending threat of boys for a while with my daughter. Right?

    Anyway, good luck on keeping an eye out on those little troopers, they can be trouble! Also, good luck on making big with girls’ basketball!

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