Welcome to Wander, Indiana

Never give me permission to “explore”, trust me!

“Wyatt I am rolling” Hammy informed today when I got home.  He’s claiming he’s won enough rubles this weekend on his NFL picks to finance a scholarship at the University of Kiev and open his own vodka distillery.  Upon learning potatoes don’t grow so well in December around here he immediately tried to order some from his native homeland.  Good to know the pickled rodent hasn’t lost his sense of humor, nor have I as I can’t complain one bit about my weekend either!

This was submitted to Maxim magazine, stay tuned for the rejection letter.

The blonde bomber was off in Bluegrass land for the weekend so Mr. Skipah fell back to option two on his unofficial most important ladies in life list.  That would mean an extra long weekend with Miss Madison!  I even took Friday off at work to attend a pretty important event in her life (no details you nosy asses) and we spent the rest of the weekend celebrating it as only we know how!  Video games, Jeopardy, Leonardo DiCaprio movies, and fine dining!

Let’s break it down Skipah style!  Upon leaving work Thursday I headed out the White Tail Deer Causeway and safely made it to my destination just in time to make dinner!  I secretly think she had that planned but no worries, the kitchen is my classroom and I’m always ready to teach!  She turned me on to the The Hunger Games a few weeks ago so I had to return the favor with the awesomeness that is Leonardo DiCaprio.  I immediately had her hooked on The Departed (although the ending is still utterly ridiculous), and I scored major boyfriend points and picked up a super new furry friend I think has fallen madly in love with me!

The newly appointed guard dog of yours truly!

Next up was a personal favorite of mine Blood Diamond the following evening.  Miss Madison evidently had been bitten by tsetse flies because she was struggling to stay awake for the movie.  However, she would rise to life like she had just eaten 20 lbs. of pure cane sugar from Cuba anytime she heard Jennifer Connolly speak.  I don’t know what Mrs. Connolly has ever done to Miss Madison, but wow remind me to never hit that chord with her!  Needless to say all those great boyfriend points I had amassed from the movie choice the night before were quickly lost with this cinematic clunker.  She’s probably going to make me suffer through the The Bridges of Madison County now has payback!  Next up for us on DiCaprio greatest hits (that she hasn’t seen) will be Titanic (joke, joke no freaking way I will watch that movie again) or more than likely Django Unchained.

The weekend was great time for both of us as we took in downtown Madison, Indiana for the Christmas lights and dinner at an upscale bistro.  I use the term upscale loosely, as they offered awesome Italian fare shuffled in with local handmade jewelry, beer cozies, and I may or may not have seen a 50/50 pot being ran by the waitresses in the kitchen.  Regardless it was a delicious meal and if you are ever in Madison, Indiana I recommend the gnocchi in meat sauce.  You can thank me later!  Saturday night I came out of retirement from the video game hall of fame (non dance division, geez some games are completely catered for women or for people that are double jointed) and had to show off my dominance of all things Mario!  I turned Mario Party into Skipah’s personal house of pain; the highlight was having a three way conversation with Sloane (on speaker) and the two of them openly rooting against me!  A Shakespearean tragedy, my beloved Sloane taking sides against me and openly wishing me to lose to Miss Madison!

Skipah’s PSA for the day, never order ocean seafood when in Indiana.  Two day old bread is fresher!

That being said interacting and playing video games with running commentary from Sloane was beyond awesome.  I’m pretty sure it was the most fun she has had all week, and she would have probably stayed on the phone with us all night if she wasn’t interrupted by the fictional Tammy the Texting Tuna reminding her that no fun is allowed when she isn’t with dad.

After informing Sloane tonight of the plans next week while she is on her Christmas vacation from school, I think I might have swayed the voting committee at Dad’s Blogger Digest to pick me as dad blogger of the year.  It’s a loaded field with RC, Martyn, and Mike bribing the judges with promises of eternal youth and an unlimited supply of single malt scotch.  Did any of them get a “That sounds awesome dad!” on a phone call tonight………..Nope, that would be me!  Time to start going all Justin Timberlake and picking out my best suit and tie for the Dad Blogger Digest awards next month in Duluth, Minnesota.  I’ll bring the Hoosier charm you guys can bring the snow gear!

I would be remiss for not mentioning Pearl Harbor day on here from last Monday, and to quote Franklin Roosevelt I would have to say “Today is a date that will live infamy.”  Why do you ask?  What happened Mr. Skipah?  Are you O.K.?  Did Katy Perry’s tour bus crash?  All is well with Mr. Skipah, but thanks for inquiring.  After attending church today and watching Miss Madison Jr. and the turtle man give Oscar winning performances during the Christmas program I was suckered into going with Miss Madison to get her hair “did.”  Some witch doctor/hair voodoo specialist operates a shop out of her house and evidently runs her own little Ponzi scheme on hair care.  After dropping off Miss Madison I was given a pat on the butt and told to “go explore”, telling me that is akin to placing a wino at the local watering hole!  Game on!

First stop was the Belterra Casino and Resort in Vevay, Indiana.  Vevay is the county seat of Switzerland County, Indiana (amazingly enough it was first settled by folks from…….wait for it…..Switzerland), since it is Christmas season and daddy needs a new pair of shoes and a bigger bank account I patronized the place long enough to learn that inebriated degenerate gamblers don’t care if it 12:30 p.m. or 3:00 in the morning.  I didn’t take much cabbage in the place and intentionally left my debit card in the car to not be tempted by $5.00 ATM fees and false hope.  Looking to kill a little (turns out a lot) of time I settled on some blackjack.  Ten minutes later I was out all my cash and off to find a new adventure.  Really who in the hell splits two ten cards!  I double down on ten, hit a ten, dealer has and eight showing and this moron doubles down two ten cards!  Of course the dealer flopped a 15, hit a six, and the whole table was ready to lynch mob the moron who must have been on his 25^th highball (I did mention this is at 12:30 p.m. right), Mr. Skipah’s plans of striking it rich were put on hold for another day.

The greatest thing ever to hail from Australia?  You mean to tell me these guys still perform?

Vevay is actually a cool town, on any day but a Sunday.  The only things open were local watering holes, a pizza joint, and a starving artist’s gallery.  That place was worth a look and I highly recommend it to anyone that is ever stranded in Vevay or busted from going to the casino.  Quick text from Miss Madison and I learned that she was no were close to being ready to for extraction so a quick look at my trusty Google maps app told me I was this close to Warsaw!  I’ve never been to Warsaw and the opportunity to see it was just more than I could bear.  Not Poland, Warsaw you silly rabbits, Warsaw, Kentucky, home of……nothing!  Seriously, I think for fun on Sunday afternoon there is a jaywalking competition!

Yawn!

Sloane would love this!

Since there are a dozen outstanding warrants and a 25,000 bounty on my head in Kentucky I headed back to the friendly confines of Indiana.  A quick check on Miss Madison and I had learned she was trying out for a lead in the upcoming low budget sci-fi thriller Tin Head.  Needless to say she wasn’t nearly ready for extraction, and I was now kicking myself in the ass for not asking Switzerland County for an opportunity for a sponsored post.

I’m dating an alien!

By far the most extravagant “Welcome To” sign I’ve ever seen in Indiana.

My next excursion was to East Enterprise, Indiana, my only stop there was the one stop light in town!  Next it was a miles and miles of two lane county highways (true story, I had to dodge roosters on the road), with my gas tank laughing at me the whole time.  I ended up in Rising Sun, Indiana, they themselves have a casino but my gambling was done for the day, and there downtown is much like most of small town Indiana.  Small, quaint, and closed on Sunday!  By now Miss Madison had thrown out the Skipah/Bat signal and I was 40 minutes away from the rendezvous point, the drive back was spent dodging speed traps, crappy pavement patch jobs, and taking in the scenery.

About it for tonight, all my windshield time today has me a bit tired, and I’ve got to write the governor for my Wander, Indiana merit badge!