Who is this person I am still married to?

I am about one day away from creating a yelp account and thoroughly trashing Wipe and Restore.  Day 10 without my laptop and not even a courtesy call.  Do not take your computer there!!!!!!  Divorce is preceding along just peachy, the SBE (soon to be ex) is definitely not the same person I was married to for 13+ years.  She has turned into a frigging robot, there is no such as a normal conversation with her.  She got on me all these years about being bitter, she is pretty much a bitch now.  Plain and simple,  it’s not the same girl I was married to I don’t know when the switch from love to hate, but it’s getting pretty frigging old anytime I have to talk to her.

It is a daughterless night tonight which always sucks, and her mother being what she is now and her selfish, irrational behavior makes me happier and happier every day that I don’t have to be married to her.  I like the idea of being married, I am going to miss having my daughter around, I’m going to miss having a family to come home to, but as the days go by I’m not going to be missing her.  I thought the last 17 years of my life went wasted, I was wrong the last seven weeks of my life were wasted.   Why I put that much effort into something that was already doomed just makes me feel like the dumbass.  It’s her lost, not mine, her shiny new toy can deal with her.   I’m done replaying the past couple of months in my mind, all I can say is “I tried harder than anything I’ve ever had before” in the end though it’s going to make me a better person, a way better father, and after going through it all I don’t think anything will ever make me mentally tougher.  I had plenty of faults but we all do I’ve come to grips with that and I’ve learned I have nothing to be ashamed of.  She is the one holed up now and can’t escape to her shiny new toy until this is final, me I’m starting my own new chapter of life hopefully starting this weekend when I start moving.  So good riddance to her, that’s the kind of mood I’m in, she’s not the same person I was happily married to.  I don’t need her negativity in my life any more than possible right now, she wanted a better father she got one then selfishly takes the bond my daughter and I have formed these past two months.

I found this online today researching similar blogs.  I didn’t write this but this sums it up perfectly how I’m feeling:

If I had to say anything to you, it would be that I hope your life brings you as much misery as possible. I don’t say that to be mean really. I say that because your expectations of what a relationship truly is are so far out there that you will never be happy. So maybe you need some misery to get your fucking head out of the clouds and get your priorities straight.

Your partner’s, whoever the poor unfortunate bastard will end up being, the job is not to kiss your fucking ass all the time. You need to realize that your partner is human, has his faults, but cares about you enough not to point out yours all the time. Too bad you are unable to do the same. It’s really a reflection on yourself that you only see the negative in people, especially your partner, rather than appreciate everything he is willing to do for you. But don’t worry, your next partner will most likely leave you because he will be tired of your bullshit.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Well, today we split up everything, I pretty much got what I wanted, which is not much she can have all the clutter it is her’s anyway.  Got my kitchen toys, outdoor stuff, the big TV, and accessories.  I’m good I don’t want all this country rustic shit, I don’t have a use for 1000 dish towels or 1000 ceramic bowls.  Keep it simple, I’ve got friends helping me out on other stuff.  I’m just ready to get the hell out of here and get me a fresh start.  The good days are starting to outnumber the bad days, I’m ready to journey forward and set up shop and make sure my daughter has a bitchin bedroom.  The rules aren’t going to change when she is with me “HAVE FUN” is always going to be our motto.  Sure school come first but after that the skies the limit.

I think now that I’m going to be a single parent I’m going to be the “cool” dad.  We all had one growing up, good friend’s dad that was single and divorced.  He was the cool dad, everybody always hung out there or went over there and played.  You know why he was the cool dad?  Usually, because he had some ungrateful ex-wife and after she walked out all he had left was his child or children and that drove him to be the “cool” dad.  My daughter has quite a few schoolmates in the area I’m moving to they want to go over to the school and ride bikes LET’S GO!  Can so and so come over so we can play dolls, sure.  I’m actually looking forward to being the cool dad, I want my house to be a destination place for my daughter and I intend to do just that.

Single life is going to take some adjusting I’m sure, but luckily for me, I’ve gotten pretty domesticated while married so I see the transition being rather smooth.  I’m a great cook, I’m not necessarily a messy person, anything my daughter wants for dessert more than likely I can make it, laundry not NEARLY as hard as I thought it would be, so I will be fine.  I’m plenty old enough to care of myself and my daughter.  Just got to learn the hair thing, ponytails aren’t that hard!  The hurt and fear of “oh shit” what am I going to do are quickly going away as the days pass.  Basically, there isn’t anything I can’t do that she did when we were together, so for all my pals that give me some shit over the years on my kitchen prowess, it’s going to pay off now.  I’m two steps ahead of most people that have gone through this from what I’ve read.  I like to entertain and cook for people, and I’ve got plenty of social debts to start repaying.  So for all those out there who have helped get to where I am today dinner is on me in the upcoming months (just don’t say no!)  From what I read today cooking is quite a plus when I re-enter the dating life eventually, so I guess that is a plus.  Also back on the “cool” dad theorem if my daughter is having some friends over most sweet treats aren’t that hard to make, granted she always asks for the same thing and it is a bit hard to make, but you get the idea.  I’ve lost one constant in my life, good she can pound sand, but the other two are my daughter and cooking/baking now she, her friends, and my friends get to benefit.

I’ve learned that I really like blogging it is a distraction from all the shit I’ve got to endure on a day to day basis right now.  Takes my mind off the past, present and future, a future that I was scared to death of just one month ago, but now I’m looking forward to it!  The past that was filled with memories that I will always treasure, but we live in the present and this blog is something that is all mine.  I don’t have to split it 50-50 or horse trade it for something I want.  I started it post divorce papers, it’s mine and I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated all the comments from the people reading it.  It’s also allowed me to catch up with old friends and their families that I used to be an integral part of way back when.  I would be remiss not to thank my coworkers also, obviously, I haven’t been my same happy chipper self at times and I’ve had to run a lot of errands, appts, etc… and they have all picked up the slack for me.   That’s people I work with and the people that work for me also.  The errand running and appts isn’t going to end anytime soon, but I thought I would put it in words “thank you” for picking up the slack.  Probably said enough for the night I’m just over 1500 words, but two paragraphs weren’t mine.  I’ll try to do this nightly might be tough with moving day coming up and I need to start rounding up my stuff here and I need to spend an evening getting all my divorce information together, but like I said this is something I’ve come to enjoy.  It’s part of my new routine and new normal, and that’s exactly what I need these days.

 

 

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. Glad to see some of these older posts popping up because I wasn’t reading your blog back then. Although I know of your backstory, it’s more interesting reading what you were going thru while it happened.

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