Lost in all the confusion while I was off in Wisconsin recently to plead my undying love and all my wealth (snicker snicker) to Miss Madison, was the fact we had a few days to kill before the ceremonies were to commence. So what do you get when you have the Skipah, Miss Madison and three wound up kids? Some would call it a Tuesday evening (and you would be right), me, I call it Vacation-Cheesehead Style!
After a night in Milwaukee, we were off to Miss Madison’s family cottage nestled on the rocky crags of Green Bay in Door County, Wisconsin for a few days of relaxation (is that a thing with three kids..asking for a friend) before the wedding. This is now the moment on this post were Skipah will stand on his soap box for a minute and wax poetically about something that has been troubling him.
Paging Governor Scott Walker, Congressman Glenn Grothman, Senators Tammy Baldwin & Ron Johnson, plus anybody else that is responsible for the cheese grater (pun intended you cheeseheads) that is known as Interstate 43 in eastern Wisconsin. Are you on the payroll of Firestone, Goodyear, or Michelin? I’m only asking because that stretch of road is literally the sorriest excuse for an interstate in this country! Next time you think you have a flat tire, make sure you check your surroundings and didn’t end up on this interstate. There is nothing better than driving 70 mph with what sounds like a shredded tire because your interstate is so poorly constructed.
Before some drunk Green Bay Packers fan starts throwing their favorite Johnsonville Bratwurst at me, hear me out! Other than that treacherous stretch of road that has to be funded by the tow trucker union, my time in Wisconsin was magical. Since we had a wedding to plan, the Skipah was grounded this particular time on his legendary exploration missions. There wasn’t any time this trip for another foray to Rock Island. No worries though; memories and fun were in order leading up to the big day.
The wedding itself was picturesque and perfect! (Except for the rabid species of flies that were dining on me like a seafood buffet.). Weather was superb, and this guy can’t begin to tell you how awestruck he was that we had friends fly in from California, other friends and family that drove 10 hours one way (on a good day-thank you Chicago traffic), and seeing everything come together in a span of six hours was amazing.
I held a lottery for my best man, but the only dude that bought a ticket was the Turtle Man. He is six years old, drives me bonkers half the time, but this dude knew he had a job to do, and did it well! He was in charge of the rings and I promised him a free swim in Green Bay if my Manly Bands ring finger bracelet wasn’t delivered properly. Actually, I’m kidding, my new stepson is pretty damn funny! Throw in Miss Madison Jr. delivering more snark than the law should allow and I’m truly blessed with a couple of awesome stepchildren!
I even picked up a second best man that day. Since I’m well known in the serpent world, the supreme serpent commander made sure to send one of his most trusted minions to oversee the wedding and give it his blessing. That’s right, I got married with a snake literally a foot from me. We had a kind conversation before everybody showed up, he went on eating whatever he could find on that rocky crag, and I got married!
The marriage is going so well Miss Madison immediately left me to go further her teaching acumen at a conference in Kansas City, I was told by my former employer that they would no longer need my services, and Sloane is off to “How to be a Hick” camp in Kentucky. So now I’m working on my defunct resume skills, waking up to Breakfast at Wimbledon, and knocking off a list of honey-dos.
About it for now, with my new found status as a full time blogger I should have some free time to get back in the loop. The unemployment series should be best selling (and hopefully temporary), but I’ve got the perfect people in my life now to get through this setback!