My “extended” unknown family in a nutshell!
To quote Guns N Roses “I don’t need your civil war”, after apparently upsetting someone I’ve never met and getting left a derogatory comment on my personal Facebook page (since deleted) I have apparently set off a Mathews civil war down south. People I have never met or know have now made me public enemy number one because I talked bad about this mysterious piece of shit known as MY father. I was spreading faster in the southern part of the country than William Tecumseh Sherman ever did in the real Civil War. After seeing this ludicrous behavior play out all day I can say my kin folk are a bunch of meandering idiots. Except my oldest half-sister she’s actually pretty cool and we share the same views on the sperm-in-chief and the whacko half siblings. We all share a sperm donor and that is it you hill jacks. Wait a minute this all makes sense now my father was originally from podunk Kentucky! Thank god I’ve never met any of them and never will. All I can say if I catch or hear of any more shit from Foley, Alabama you are going to get this treatment or even worse since I’m not one bit worried about any repercussions from any of you!
Upon further thinking I’m now pondering a full blood transfusion. Can you have that done and live? I need answers right now, I’ve got Kentuckian blood running through my body, this would explain every bad decision I’ve ever made. It only gets worse for me, my father hailed from Glasgow, Kentucky. That area is living proof that Indians bred buffaloes way back when. I took me 38 years and nine months to just realize I have the toxic acidity of Kentucky blood running through my body. I’m 100% Hoosier though so nobody worry yet, and I was actually born in Georgia! Too any pregnant mother out there don’t go on a road trip six weeks before you are due, you might end up hatching your earthling somewhere entirely different than you originally planned to.
Got word today that Sloane had a glass sliver lodged in her foot that needed medical intervention. She’s doing fine and dandy thanks for the concerns in advance. Thankfully it didn’t happen on my watch I would probably have to hire another attorney just to defend myself that accidents do indeed happen. As a rule any time I break glass I like to get it all cleaned up first before I let Sloane near the contaminated area, but I’m not the parent in charge this week. I still call it a small step in co-parenting fun as at least I was notified this time about an incident unlike say when she swallowed a small Lego or had fleas jumping on her.
Finally got in some walking tonight thanks to allergies and rain haven’t had a chance to this week. Nice refreshing stroll over the gentle landscape of New Albany. Translation: The pavement jungle that is my neighborhood. Realized got a shit load of positives that have begun to take form this week. Maybe the karma train has finally arrived or maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Personally, I keep receiving good news after good news this week. Now if Katy Perry would just get ahold of me! Hopefully the engineering staff at Skipah’s Realm finally figured out a way to make this dark cloud of shitty luck go inhabit somebody else. Karma gods if you need any nominees for the transfer let me know cosmically I’ve got addresses, social media accounts, you name it! I’ve got a list as long as a five year old boy writing a letter to Santa.
I was doing my best Ferrell Williams today, because I was Happy!
About it for tonight, Hammy and Rosy are having some kind of shouting match. She’s taunting him with verbal daggers about getting his ass kicked in Afghanistan, and he’s responding by telling her to go eat Syrian sand. I thought I was the parent of one kid, anymore I think it’s three. At least I know one is biological the other two I’m pretty sure I’ve adopted.
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