Never underestimate the scent of a Hot Maple Toddy!
Something happened this week that hasn’t happened since Mr. Skipah was a spry young genius at the age of nine in 1985. All I remember back in that era was the Challenger space shuttle blowing up and I would take an epic ass kicking from my uncle in games of H-O-R-S-E on my little Nerf goal that you had to lick the suction cups to get to adhere to the window. The taste of rubber suction cups still resonates in my head today and may have caused my addiction to Diet Dr. Pepper. I’m still waiting on clinical studies to be performed to zero in on this.
I don’t consider Skipah’s Realm a place to get your latest and local sporting news, but I’ve been known to wax poetic about the Cincinnati Reds and bitch and moan about the Indiana Hoosiers (Leading the Big Ten as of this publication) on occasion. In an effort to get the Title IX crowd of my ass on all things NCAA related I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the University of Tennessee Lady Volunteers are out of the Associated Press top 25 rankings for the first time since the Reagan administration. Thirty freaking years of being ranked is quite an accomplishment! I fully expect the University of Connecticut Lady Huskies to take this over eventually and hopefully I can quit receiving hate mail from the Title IX mafia!
The Madison Auto War is in full swing now. The soldiers of General Matriarch called bullshit on the Chrysler Pacifica and had it checked out by a trusted ally. He said “no go” the exhaust system is going to need replaced soon and steer clear of it. General Matriarch is now positioning troops all over the surrounding counties to ambush unsuspecting car dealerships on the soon to be seen “shock and awe” campaign she is launching. In an unrelated note I’m sleeping in the garage tonight after writing a post about car shopping and jinxing it a day later. Look for Instagram photos of me resting uncomfortably on a memory foam mattress made out of cement and gravel. I have full confidence that team Miss Madison will win this war, just have to wait them out and keep gathering intel, and quit blogging about potential car buys!
Thankfully, I’m pretty sure the Madison County Auto War will net Miss Madison a better ride than this!
So that means the I’m zipping my lip for now and planning on a late night commando raid in dare I say it….Kentucky….to do some investigative snooping at a dealership in LaGrange, KY (ZZ Top fan put down the hippie lettuce for a bit wrong state) followed with a super clandestine artic ninja mission to Scottsburg, IN (Yes that Scottsburg) to put fake bullet holes on another potential vehicle to knock a few thousand off of it. This could be a life or death mission for me because Hammy found out through the back channels that the bounty is 1,000,000 for my head in the great Commonwealth of Kentucky. As far as Scottsburg goes one wrong move and I could shank myself on a used hypodermic needle. The things men do for their women!
On to more germane topics like namely who is reading this in Bermuda? Quick check of the numbers and I’ve got a kilt wearing beach comber reading me from time to time. Please come forward, we need to talk, like yesterday. Do you want me to come out there for a one on one interview for the yet unreleased magazine Skipah’s Fireside Chats. I was thinking of launching and interviewing divorced dads on how they dealt with the batshit crazy people in their life and didn’t kick in stained glass windows while trying to co-parent with narcissists, but I haven’t even pitched the idea to the Vice President yet so we can always change the format. I think an on location interview with the Atlantic Ocean as a back drop would be the perfect start to my newest venture.
Sushi on the banks of the Atlantic? Sign me up!
I only need you to provide me with a valid passport, airline tickets, and make sure your fridge is stocked with Diet Dr. Pepper. I won’t need accommodations since I will be in Bermuda I am pretty sure there will be a vacant palm tree that will shelter me for an evening.
Speaking of tropical locales let’s hear it for Lisa Dorenfest, she is the winner of the #SkippingWithSloane fundraising drive. When she finds the time to quit globetrotting I’m letting her steer this ship, pun intended for a day. Lisa is currently in the Australia area living like a teenager and taking way too many awesome pictures to make all her readers green with envy. At least me, I’m stuck looking at naked maple trees this time of year, the only thing more boring is looking at maple trees with leaves. I also have to give a tremendous shout out to my main man Bun Karyudo, who fought the ghost of Emperor Hirohito himself to make a sizeable donation on Sloane’s behalf.
Actually thank you to everyone who donated, we didn’t make a 1000 bucks like I had originally hoped but between my online army and the locals Sloane has raised more than enough to be in the drawing for an IPad Mini. When I get Sloane back home this weekend she is sending out virtual thank you cards (even if she doesn’t know it) to each and every one of you, and stand by for an Australian takeover (the first time that’s ever been typed in recorded history) from Miss Lisa in the near future.
About it for tonight, I’ve got to run to Walmart to grab some of those fake bullet hole stickers and see if I can still fit into my ninja gear. Some potentially big news coming up in the future, no I’m not engaged, and no I’m not saying yet……read previous paragraph about jinxing. All is good though for me and company coming to you live from Madison, Indiana!