Thankfully I went with Nyquist!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms that carve out a little piece of their day to read my daily dribble. Don’t worry, dads, I’ll be thanking you in a few short weeks also, but it’s mommy day so all of us that that get to enjoy a urinal as opposed to a community toilet seat when out in public need to call, text, email our mothers and thank them for raising fine young and old citizens of the community. Personally, I made the 45-minute jaunt along the White Tail Deer Causeway to spend a little quality time with mine.
Mr. Skipah now needs to reach out to the masses who aren’t with their baby mammas anymore. Since I see Sloane about as often as Halley’s Comet rolls around these days, and when I do see her we are on a tight schedule due to geography and activities that have already been planned, what is the “proper” protocol for Mother’s Day for people in my position? Sloane has a step dad, so I’m under the impression he would make sure to take Sloane out at some point to get her mom a gift. Since I knew that Miss Madison’s mom (still resting on laurel’s from her divide and conquer campaign in the Madison Auto Wars) was involving Miss Madison Jr. and the turtle man on a Mother’s Day gift, I didn’t worry about making sure those two crumb snatchers had a gift for their mother.
Full disclaimer: I would rather spend money investing on an ISIS fundraising car wash than on Sloane’s mother. That being said, I did it last year (although the reciprocal Father’s Day present was laughable) and would do it every year to make sure Sloane has a gift for her mother every May. When Sloane informed me that her own mother gave her an Andrew Jackson (That’s a $20.00 bill, Kentuckian) to get her a mother’s day gift, I felt like I let Sloane down. On Mother’s Day, her own mom had to give her money to get her a present. Let that sink in for a bit, and maybe you understand why I will scream until I’m purple that she has no business living with her stepdad!
Last year, under completely different circumstances, I let Sloane pick out a modestly priced set of earrings to give to her mother. Her mother chose to change those circumstances since then. Do I celebrate like I just won the Powerball because her mom woke up with nothing from Sloane? Not at all. If I knew everything that goes on when I don’t have Sloane, I would have made sure she had her mom a gift to wake up to on Mother’s Day. Chalk this up to another product of divorce, and, while cracking up on the outside that Sloane’s stepdad is more clueless than a polar bear in Africa, I hate it for Sloane. Denizens of the Skipahsphere, help me out here (especially the mom faction)—if I’m going to keep being denied access to Sloane, what do I do?
I wasn’t denied access Saturday though; her mom and I made a historic truce that would make Israel and Palestine take notes! I got her for Derby Day, and we had the time of our life! It was the Kentucky Derby on Saturday, and Mr. Skipah had the best handicapping (horse wise) day of his life. Sloane and I kicked butt and took names! Six races, six winners, four exactas, and I became a legend in certain circles! We were there for only six races, and I hit five winners and Sloane hit the other one asking dear old dad to put a dollar down on Camelot Kitten. The only glitch on Saturday was Miss Madison wasn’t able to attend, but I’ll take Sloane has my date anytime!
To quote KE$HA, “The party don’t start until I (we) walk in!” We didn’t blow any D.J.’s speakers up, but seeing Sloane reuniting with her bestie was priceless. Most of the party goers know Sloane’s back story and inflate her ego like she’s some kind of rock star when they see her now. Sloane takes it in stride and smiles ear to ear. These are her peeps that she never chose to leave, nor ever wanted to. Bounce house fun, cashing betting tickets as mini lotto winners, and eating like a king, the Kentucky Derby 2016 was AWESOME!
Sammy doubled up on the Viagra for this culinary goodiness!
About it, for now, I need the Skipahsphere to do me one little favor, though. Click on this link, vote for my new adopted hometown of Madison, Indiana as one of the best downtown main streets in the USA. If they win rumor has it they are going to kick Walmart out of town and bring in a Meijer. While you are in the voting mood, make sure you vote for my British blogging buddies. Martyn is up against a tough field in parenting blogs, also, if you can find the time, let this Silly Mummy know she is funnier than an early 80s Saturday Night Live skit involving Eddie Murphy on this link! This concludes the promotional portion of Skipah’s Realm, now to explain to Hammy how this guy became a horse racing swami for one day!